Your heart pounds, your hands shake, and suddenly you feel faint. You know what anxiety feels like for you, but what about your child? Do you know how to identify and alleviate anxiety in your child?

Children’s mental health is part of their broader development. It has implications not only for their academic performance and social lives but also for their resilience as adults. While we cannot protect them from anxiety, we can teach children how to handle anxiety better.

It starts with how we, as adults, view anxiety. Lori Graham-Robertson, an occupational therapist at PlaySense and parenting consultant at soSerene, says anxiety is a normal emotion that helps us survive. “Anxiety is there to keep us safe and to allow us to make quick decisions when we are in danger,” she explains. “The question we need to ask is: does this anxiety serve a purpose? If not, it becomes dysfunctional and a problem.”

Because children cannot always describe their emotions, they will show their anxiety in other ways. Physical symptoms such as stomachaches and headaches can occur. Children may also display aggression or excessive dependence, and even have nightmares. Parents need to be sensitive to any changes in their children’s behavior.

Parents must also demonstrate effective anxiety regulation in their own lives. Children will mimic their parents and adopt emotional habits from them during childhood. Parents need to stay calm when they experience anxiety themselves. They need to show children that emotions – even negative ones – are a normal part of life that we can learn to manage. If children see that parents accept their emotions, they will be able to accept their own emotions as well. If parents cannot control their own anxiety, children will feel unsafe.

Schools also have a role to play. According to psychologist Janine Kendell, social–emotional learning (SEL) should be part of the curriculum. SEL focuses on self-awareness, social awareness, relationship skills, self-management, and responsible decision-making. Teachers need to be trained to identify the signs of anxiety in children. Some children need more time to complete tests or more support with their homework and assignments.

Above all, children need safe relationships where they can feel accepted just as they are.